I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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