your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
