I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
