Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
