oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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