Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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