The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
