kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
