thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
