I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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