Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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