after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
