Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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