Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
