the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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