the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
