What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
