So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
