I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
two words: eviction party
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need a burrito and a hug.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
