Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
