I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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