i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize