Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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