Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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