She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
