Sacagawea was the original milf.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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