4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I puked a lego.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
