his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
