I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
