You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
