2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
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