So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize