Having a random hookup so left but love u
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
