I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
