I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
