I look better un-naked...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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