he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
