im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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