You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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