I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He? As in you personified your dick?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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