Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
