textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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