just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
