I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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