hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
soo... how was my night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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