Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
