never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
