i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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