She announced her abortion via fbk
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
