Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
