I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
