I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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