last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
