Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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