Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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