No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
