The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
love makes seman taste better
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
