So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
