You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
