Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
