I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Randomize
