I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
