why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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