Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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