Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
