so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
