With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
