Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
