Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
