"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
