You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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