No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
