does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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