She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
