normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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