good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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