Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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