Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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