Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize