If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
