I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
