I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
