I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
