By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
