Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
