Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
