filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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