from now on my penis is your penis
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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