i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
