I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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