booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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